Category: Family


It’s Battle of Bunker Hill Day. Just thought you’d like to know. It’s also my grandmother’s birthday. It’s also the first official day of summer vacation for the boys. Know what that means? I got to sleep uninterrupted until one of their friends called to see if he could come over. Knowing that they’re old enough to fend for themselves in the morning is enough to cure me of any thoughts of wanting another baby that pop into my head every once in a while. Maybe one of my friends will have one soon and I’ll be able to live vicariously through her…while still getting to sleep.

12:00pm 24oz water and 2 Beachbody Slimming Formula tablets

12:15pm Breakfast – Chocolate Shakeology made with 8oz water (still out of milk), 1 Tbs. almond butter, 1 scoop Shakeology Fiber Boost, a dash of cinnamon and 3 ice cubes

1:00pm Went out for errands and forgot to eat…ugh

6:30pm Lunch? 24oz water, 3 1/2 oz rotisserie chicken breast from Costco eaten right off the chicken while putting the rest of the food away because I was ready to eat! 1 slice of American cheese as we were headed out the door to go see Adjustment Bureau. My opinion of that movie could easily take up a whole other post. Let’s just say it led to an in-depth conversation with my kids about God.

9:30pm Snack/Dinner/Whatever you want to call it – 16oz water and 2 Slimming Formula tablets, Chocolate Shakeology made with 8oz 1% milk (got milk!), 1 scoop Shakeology Fiber Boost, 3 maraschino cherries, a few drops mint extract (that’s right – cherry mint chocolate – it was actually really good) and 4 ice cubes. This is what was tempting me, but I DIDN’T eat because I wanted to tell you (and myself) that I was triumphant. I was also extremely tempted not to workout but…

10:30pm WORKOUT!! ChaLEAN Extreme Lean Circuit 3 (my FAVORITE of the Leans!) and TurboFire FIRE30. Like Chalene says in this circuit, my muscles were “shakin’ like a scared Chihuahua”. LOL I love her…even when she’s asking me to do travelling push-ups and Army crawls. 32oz water

12:00am Post-workout – 1 scoop/half serving P90X Results & Recovery Formula in 12oz water

12:45am Dinner #2 I guess – 16oz water, 4 1/2 oz lean beef (pre-cooked weight and I don’t remember what cut it was, but it was in the freezer from when I stocked up for the TurboFire 5-Day Inferno) marinated in light soy sauce, garlic and black pepper; 1/2 small onion, 1/2 red bell pepper and 2 large mushrooms. I’ve noticed that lately my photos have had a lot of brown and green, but no red so this fixed that issue. Not that I haven’t been eating red food, it’s just been in my Shakeology in the form of superfoods. For dessert – a delightful 90 calorie Fiber One Brownie…yumm!

Total calories consumed – 1190  Total calories burned – 3299

Protein – 104g, Carbs – 102g, Fat – 45g, Fiber – 28g

Water – 124oz

Well, that was a busy day and I’ve learned that I need to do some better planning for the next one, whenever that may be.

Today started off just fine, but soon after it went horribly wrong. Not to say that everything was bad. Some pretty terrific things happened, actually, but some pretty crappy ones did, too. For quite possibly the first time ever I didn’t respond by turning to food which is a huge step forward. Yay!

7:15am Woke up and got my older son up, too, so he could finish the computer project he worked on until midnight

7:30am Son finished project, removed thumb drive from computer and placed it somewhere in another dimension where it was completely forgotten about until a few mintues before his class started

10:40am Phone rang…it was my son asking me to bring the thumb drive to school

10:45am Called son to ask where he put it because I couldn’t find it anywhere

10:47am Began the complete and utter ransacking of our apartment to find the elusive drive

12:10pm Came to the conclusion that I was not going to find it on my own and left to meet my friend for lunch (the class was over by this point so it didn’t matter what time it was found) – Mongolian grill – chicken and lots of veggies – no noodles or rice, about 36oz water

3:15pm Son came home from school and was instructed to start cleaning his room which was a total disaster even before I began the ransacking

3:30pm Husband got involved and without understanding the situation fully got angry with me for going out to lunch before it was found

3:45pm Full-blown fight began between my husband and I that the whole building probably heard (just verbal, I did not use my awesome kickboxing skills ha ha) – not my proudest moment, but I had had it up to here (imagine me placing my hand horizontally at the top of my forehead) Did find the thumb drive, though. Something must have sucked it back into our world/hallway. Go figure.

7:00pm Stomach stopped churning enough to finally eat something – 2oz angel hair pasta, 1/2 c. Prego Heart Smart sauce, 1 c. green beans with a few mushrooms sauted in olive oil and seasoned with salt, pepper and granulated garlic. Felt famished (that’s what I get for going so long without eating) so added a breaded chicken patty I found in the back of the freezer. Definitely tasted a little wonky from being in the freezer so long, but I didn’t really care.

8:00pm Stomach still wasn’t happy, but instead of eating more I went for an hour and a half walk which was my workout for the day. All the drama and stress (not to mention I hadn’t had my Shakeology yet) left me completely exhausted (and it turns out my elevated heart rate during and after the fight did burn some extra calories, though I much prefer accomplishing that with something fun like TurboFire)

9:30pm Came home and put the kids to bed then finally sat down to log in my food and discovered I needed to eat more

10:30pm 1oz angel hair pasta with 1/4 c. sauce (leftover from dinner), Shakeology no-bake cookies made with 1 scoop Chocolate Shakeology, 1 Tbs. honey, 1 Tbs. natural peanut butter, 1 Tbs. skim milk and 2 Tbs. rolled oats (seems the quick oats slipped into that other dimension where the thumb drive went) – didn’t even bother rolling the mixture into balls, just ate it with a spoon…what??

12:30 8oz skim milk

I know I had some other water today besides the three glasses at the restaurant, but I don’t remember how much.

Total calories consumed – approx 1489 (hard to know for sure when you eat out)  Total burned – 3323

Protein – 90g, Carbs – 214g, Fat – 38g, Fiber – 32g

Water – ? Probably not enough

Sorry no food photos today, but here are the ones I took on my walk. It was gorgeous outside and reminded my to keep my head up because things will work out one way or the other if I continue to choose to be happy and not let the obstacles get me down.

Tomorrow is a new day…thank God.

Today was a rest day from my intense workout schedule, but I still wanted to do something so I took a little walk around the neighborhood. It’s was great to be outside and take some new photos since it’s been a while. I’ve been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the honeysuckle blooms. I finally saw signs of progress and could smell just a hint of their intoxicating aroma as I was right next to them. Soon the air will be filled with their perfume. I can hardly wait!

Normally I would cross the street and head over past Autzen Stadium (GO DUCKS!) to Alton Baker Park, but I turned around to go home and see what the kids were up to. I hung out with them at the basketball court for a while where the older one was shooting hoops with a friend and the younger one was riding his brother’s scooter. As I stood there watching him we both learned a little lesson. While it’s important to look ahead at the big picture, be careful of the little things along the way because ignoring them can really trip you up.

Once I was sure he was ok, I took that photo of the tiny pebble that caused him to go sprawling on the ground. He survived with no major injuries and hopped back on which of course made me proud. I took one more photo and then attempted to sink some shots with my other son. It was definitely an off day for me, but that’s ok because we had a good laugh which I think is much more important than showing off my skills. 😉

Forgiveness in Fred Meyer

I had the most interesting experience today in the most unexpected place. My younger son was invited to a birthday party happening today (and he gave me the invitation yesterday) so I decided to save on gas and just get the gift on the way to the party. We were running a bit behind (I blame facebook) and dropped him off first so he wouldn’t be late then headed to the nearest store that sells toys which happened to be Fred Meyer. After I found the gift I walked around a bit to kill some time and ended up in the garden section. As I was looking at all the interesting plants and flowers, thinking about life and my kids and what I was going to write about next, I suddenly found myself in the indoor plant section.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a small jade plant, the only one left on the shelf. I instantly felt nostalgic because when I was growing up in my grandparents’ house there was a jade plant sitting on the kitchen table in front of the window. I loved that table because my grandfather made it himself and it was strong and sturdy with lots of scratches and dents from years of use. It had character just like my grandfather. I loved the jade plant, well, just because. I remember my grandmother taking care of it and watering it. I guess I would consider it her plant. The photo to the right is of me standing next to the table. That’s not the jade plant there, but I remember it loving it, too.

If you haven’t read my other posts that go into the relationship I had with my grandmother you may be forming a picture in your mind of a sweet old lady caring for her plant and smiling at me as she lovingly poured water into the pot. Yeah, not so much. Sure, she loved the plant, but there was no tender bond between us. Because of that and all the things she did to me over the years I’ve struggled with feelings of hatred toward her. At some point I stopped actually hating her and those feelings were replaced with indifference. I forgave her on some level and found peace with it. There’s no way I could’ve let go of the hatred if I hadn’t. But today, after years and years of nothing particularly new in my view of her or how my childhood affected me, something very strange happened.

As I stood there looking at the jade plant I suddenly felt we had a connection, a bond between us. My grandmother, not the plant. Don’t get me wrong, she passed away years ago and my personal belief system and understanding of the Bible does not include people going straight to heaven or wherever and looking down or up at us, but that they are waiting, knowing nothing for now as if in a deep sleep. So I’m not saying it was some spiritual connection from beyond the grave. I just mean that I can finally see her as someone I have something in common with. Something that, if she were still alive, we could share and talk about. I am able for possibly the first time in my life to see her as a person completely separate from all the crap that happened between us.

It’s as if a veil was lifted and I can now clearly imagine her growing up, having hopes and dreams. She had friends and boyfriends. Things she liked and disliked. Things that made her laugh so hard she cried. She was a person, not a monster. She just wanted what the rest of us want, what I want…a happy life with a loving family and to feel like she had a purpose in the world. It wasn’t her fault that all that was taken away from her when she too became the victim of abuse. Sure, it would’ve been nice if she had dealt with it and found healing instead of trying to hide it and eventually take it out on me. But that didn’t happen. And that’s ok. I am who I am because of everything I’ve been through.

As I stood there I felt a strong wave of what I can only describe as pure love pass through me. I’m not wanting to sound like a crazy person here. If you’ve ever experienced it you know what I’m talking about. I felt forgiveness on a much deeper level than ever before and could actually imagine myself genuinely smiling at her and hugging her, not because I was being forced to like all those years growing up, but because I want to. I want to tell her I’m sorry, not like all the times I had to because if I didn’t I’d suffer the consequences, but for everything she went through that made her the way she was.

So there I was in the indoor plant section of Fred Meyer having some kind of major breakthrough and thinking, “Wow, I actually love my grandmother,” with people all around me having no idea what was going through my head and heart. I wasn’t planning on buying anything other than the gift for the party, but I just had to have one more thing…

…oh, and a pack of watermelon gum. 😉

Hard to Say I’m Sorry

For as long as I can remember I’ve had a hard time apologizing to people and I know exactly why. I’ve mentioned before that I grew up in an abusive home after my parents divorced and my mom and I moved in with my grandparents. Though she did not have a job, my mom kept herself quite busy out and about which meant I spent a lot of time with my grandmother. I don’t know the details, but it seems my grandfather essentially rescued her from a bad family situation when he married her. Translation…she had a lot of issues. And it seems she took those issues out on me. I was not the perfect child. I’m sure I had my moments that would drive any parent crazy. But I did not deserve the treatment I got. No child should ever feel afraid in their own home because of their own family.

More often than not, those times when my mom was gone and my grandfather was either gone or in the basement working on his inventions turned into episodes of violence and intimidation. It was like she had two completely different personalities, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One minute she’d be out of control, screaming and hitting and pulling my hair, and then the phone would ring and she would answer in the sweetest voice as if everything was just fine. No one outside our home had a clue…and neither did my mom. Every time she came home my grandmother would make sure to get to her first so she could tell her version of the day’s events. That always resulted in me having to apologize to her and tell her I loved her. Even as I’m sitting here typing this my heart is racing as those memories I normally choose not to dwell on are still vivid, like it just happened yesterday.

So I hope you can understand why I have a hard time apologizing. Over time it’s gotten easier, but it’s most difficult with the people I’m closest to, my family. My early experiences definitely created a roadblock or wall which, to others, probably looks a lot like a stubborn streak. It’s just not always easy to separate those times when I was forced to say I was sorry when I really, really wasn’t from the times when I want to say I’m sorry because I really, really am.

Now that I’m a parent and trying with all my might to make sure my kids have a better childhood than I did, I’ve started to try to see our life through their eyes. What is it like to wake up in their beds with me standing in the doorway telling them they need to get up? How do they truly see me as I’m pushing them through their morning routines? I know they’re not afraid which is truly a wonderful thing, but do they mostly see me smiling or frowning? Do they really know how much I love them and appreciate how great they are even if getting them to do their chores is like pulling teeth?

Thinking about all these things has made me realize that I have to consider the possibility that my grandmother never, ever asked herself how she looked in my eyes. She was always so concerned with how everyone else saw her and our family. She made it very clear that I was never to tell anyone what went on in our home. Obviously on some level she knew it wasn’t ok, but I think it’s possible that she really didn’t understand how bad it actually was and how much damage she was doing. Maybe because of her past it all seemed fairly normal, just nobody else‘s business. Or maybe she so identified with the person everyone else thought she was, she just assumed no one would ever see her differently no matter what she did.

I’m in no way saying it was ok, but now I’m seeing how easy it is to behave in certain ways without realizing how we’re coming across to those around us. And let’s face it, our family sees us at our worst. There are days when I’m grumpy and irritable and make very little effort to think before I speak, but somehow when I’m around other people I manage to control myself. Sometimes I can be impatient with my boys because I know they’re smart and capable of so much. Yet I would never speak to someone else’s child in the same tone of voice.

So I ask myself again, what does life look like from their perspective? Do they see a mom who is loving and happy and cheerful most of the time? I actually am very happy with my life now, but I wonder if that’s what they see or if most of their interactions with me have a negative tone. When I talk to them about life and how to navigate through it with goals and a positive attitude do they see how passionate I am about making sure they understand because I want what’s best for them or do they just see it as nagging? Other people say I inspire them (which is extremely humbling considering how I’ve lived most of my life), but do I inspire my kids or do I make them feel like I’m not happy with them the way they are?

You may be reading this thinking I’m beating up on myself, but I’m really not. I’m just trying to ask some hard questions because the last thing I want is to be one person to everyone else and another, completely different person to my family. When I really concentrate and imagine that I’m each of my boys I see a picture of me that I’m not entirely happy with. And that’s great! Not because I haven’t always been perfect, not one of us has, but because I can see clearly where I need to improve and what I need to apologize for. Not once when I was growing up in my grandparents’ house did my grandmother ever apologize to me. And it didn’t happen after I grew up and she mellowed out a bit, either. What a difference a simple “I’m sorry” would’ve made. Not a meaningless one, like all those I said to her over the years, but one from the heart knowing she needed to do better.

I guess part of me has always felt like apologizing is a sign of weakness, but now I know I couldn’t be more wrong. It takes courage to be willing to look at ourselves and come to terms with the fact that we have things to be sorry for, especially with our families. They see us at our worst and love us anyway. That doesn’t mean we should take advantage of the situation and continue on as we have been. It means that they deserve to know that we “get” how much we’ve hurt them even if we didn’t realize it at the time. They deserve to know how much we appreciate them for always being there through the good and the bad. And I can’t think of a better way to show our love and appreciation than by saying I’m sorry…and meaning it, no matter how hard it is.

My Beautiful Mom

Since it’s Mother’s Day, I wanted to share a photo of my mom when she was a little younger than I am now. I lost her to breast cancer that spread throughout her body because it wasn’t diagnosed and treated in time. She passed away on July 7, 1998, just a few weeks before my husband and I were married. She was one of the most generous, creative people I’ve ever known who always chose to see the good in others and had an amazingly beautiful singing voice (which unfortunately was not passed on to me). She even spent time touring with the Metropolitan Opera Company.

I wish my kids had the chance to get to know her and that I could’ve shared the joys and sorrows of being a mom with her. Goodness knows I put her through a lot and I’d love to be able to show her that I see things from a different perspective now. I may not do things exactly the same way she did, but I can say that I understand why she did what she did because of who she was and what she’d been through. We should be good to our moms because they’re imperfect people trying to do the best they can, loving us the best they know how.

I love that song. If fact, here it is for your viewing and listening pleasure.

Ok then, back to the food. This was one of those Ok, I Have Some Yakisoba Noodles and Random Vegetables So Let’s Throw Them Together “recipes”.  So let’s get to it!

1. First, I said a word of thanks for living in a town with a Trader Joe’s because they have organic tofu for well under $2/lb.

2. Then I cut one block into cubes. Yeah, I know my cuts were kinda uneven. Oh well. While I was cutting the tofu I was heating about 1 Tbs. oil (canola and corn blend, but use whatever you want as long as it holds up well to heat) in a large skillet. Just a note here about tofu – if you have time and you’re planning on browning it, press it first. You’ll get much better results and it won’t stick to the pan as easily. I was in a hurry so I didn’t do it this time.

3. I added the tofu to the skillet, giving it a quick shake to keep the cubes from sticking and cut 2 medium carrots into strips. Kind of like wide matchsticks, but feel free to cut them however you want. Go on…go crazy.

4. Then I sliced 1 yellow onion into strips about 1/4 – 1/2 inch wide. I also check on the tofu because it was starting to brown. Once most of the moisture has evaporated from the pan it’s important to check it every few minutes so it doesn’t stick. Or you could use something other than tofu. Whatever you want.

5. Once the tofu had browned on most sides I removed it from the pan before adding the carrots and onion because this was a particularly soft block and I knew it would fall apart if I left it in while cooking the other ingredients. If I had mushrooms I would’ve used them, too, but I used them all in the Turkey Tetrazzini the other day.

6. While the carrots and onion softened on medium heat I cut 2 large celery stalks and about 3 cups green cabbage into thin strips. Some other veggies that would be nice to add if you have them on hand are zucchini, Napa cabbage, baby corn, water chestnuts or snow peas.

7. I added the cabbage and celery to the skillet (I’d love to have a wok, but don’t have room to store it) and continued cooking it all for a couple of minutes.

8. You may be wondering, “Where’s the garlic??” Don’t worry, it’s coming. Next I broke up the noodles a bit with my hands before placing them on top of the veggies. I don’t know the exact measurement of the noodles, but I got them at Costco and they come in a two pack. I used one of the packages.

9. Let me just apologize in advance for this section. I made the sauce while the noodles steamed over the veggies and just like every other time I’ve made this I didn’t measure anything except for the 1/4 cup light soy sauce I used as the base. I added maybe 1 Tbs mirin, 1 Tbs sugar, 1 tsp seasoned rice vinegar, 1/4 tsp ground ginger (fresh is so much better, but I didn’t have any), 1/2 tsp black pepper, 6 cloves minced garlic (fresh, that I minced myself) and enough water so the whole thing equalled 1 1/2 cups. Just be sure to taste the sauce before adding it to the pan. It’s a lot easier to adjust before it’s mixed in. I stirred it until the sugar dissolved then poured it over the noodles, mixing it in and breaking up the noodles with the spatula. Then I added the tofu back to the skillet and tossed with the noodles and sauce, heating the whole thing through.

10. I topped the finished product with sesame seeds. Yumm! This one’s a family favorite.

One of the most interesting and exciting things about being human is that we have the power to change our circumstances by changing the way we think. Once we catch a bit of inspiration and turn our new thoughts into new behaviors incredible things happen. Since it is so easy to fall back into our old ways of thinking, it’s critical to protect our new, fragile, positive attitudes. Sadly, the people closest to us can be the ones who present the greatest danger.

In the past week, I’ve seen several instances where a friend was talked out of something that would’ve been so good for them by a friend or family member who probably thought they were protecting them from failure or disappointment. The problem with that is that if we don’t push ourselves to try new things or try something again after we’ve failed we will never change anything!

People think they know us and want us to feel good about ourselves. Unfortunately, the way they go about it isn’t always helpful. If I’m saying negative things about myself because I feel like I’m failing, I don’t need someone to baby me and say it’s ok to think that way. I need someone to tell me to stop it because they know I can do it! We need to encourage each other to be better, do more, and make positive changes; not to feel that it’s ok to beat ourselves up and stay where we are in life. I saw a perfect example of this on facebook the other day and I know the person meant well, but the situation made me want to scream.

If you’re trying to make positive changes DO NOT listen to people when they try to hold you back even when they think they’re being supportive. They probably don’t even realize they’re doing it. Just be aware of what they’re really saying and move on. If what they’re saying is reinforcing your negative self-talk, push those thoughts away and replace them with positive ones. Like Chalene Johnson says, “be your own biggest cheerleader”. You can do amazing things, but not if you continue to think about yourself and your life the same way.

If you’re one of those well-meaning friends or family members who feels like you’re protecting someone from disappointment please reconsider the way in which you show support. Instead of encouraging them not to try and to keep thinking the same way, show support by telling them you believe they can succeed. You have no idea how much that means to someone who’s decided to face a challenge and push forward. Not to sound cliché, but be part of the solution, not part of the problem. They will have moments when they want to quit because nothing worthwhile is easy. They way you show your support can be the difference between their success or failure. If deep down you’re afraid that their change will take them away from you, by being there and encouraging them through the tough times you’ll earn their appreciation, love and respect bringing you closer together. If you make every step they take that much harder you’ll drive a wedge between you which may result in the thing you fear the most.

I am very passionate about this topic because I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life and I’ve let friends and family hold me back because I listened to them when they said things that made me feel like I could never change. I’ve also cultivated a habit of not finishing what I’ve started and no one has ever held me accountable. They didn’t realize it, but what they were really saying to me was that they didn’t believe in me. We think and do based on our habits so it’s time to start paying attention and to form new ones. We need to stop being afraid to take on challenges and follow through. Sure we may fail, but then we pick ourselves up and try again and again and again. If we quit or never even start we guarantee failure, but when we keep going no matter what we will succeed!

I Got Sucked In and Sidetracked

Yeah, so it’s been a while. Too long. One night while I was waiting for my husband to finish tutoring I decided to see what I could find to watch on Netflix. I remembered seeing a few episodes of Ugly Betty on TV and being entertained so I started at the very beginning with Episode 1. The next thing I knew I was hooked, completely obsessed actually and like Betty, got sidetracked from what was really important. Interestingly, she began to find her way back by writing a blog so the problem became the solution as I was inspired to get back to posting again. Now I’m done with all 85 episodes and ready to return to real life again. I do miss her and all the other great characters, though. It’s really too bad they cancelled the show because it’s pretty great.

Once I have some quiet time without the sound of gunfire from Call of Duty (I honestly don’t understand why the men in my life enjoy playing that so much) or everyone asking me questions I’ll start transferring my thoughts to the computer again and get some more pictures posted. The weather is unbelievable this week and more things are blooming so it’s time to take some new photos. Ok, now my husband is trying to read over my shoulder and bugging me so I’ll be back later, but not too much later. 😉

Tethered

Somewhere around 2am our internet connection stopped working. Both my husband and I were awake and online when it happened. I was watching a movie on Netflix via the PS3 and he was working on lesson plans. I decided to just go to bed and let my husband try to get it working again. This morning I got up, attempted to wake the kids, then headed straight for the computer. Checking my facebook page, online office and email are all an essential part of my morning routine. My to my dismay the connection was still not working. I unplugged everything (not an easy feat since it takes a little contorting, a dash of acrobatics and a whole lotta patience to reach all the plugs) and went back to bed thinking that somehow something magical would happen while I slept.

Fast forward a few hours to a better-rested me, full of hope and positivity. I plugged everything back in (in the proper order, mind you…heaven forbid you do one thing wrong or it won’t work) expecting life to return to normal. Nope. I tried unplugging everything again, thinking maybe I hadn’t used the proper order after all. Nothing. It was time for desperate measures. I called Comcast. After several minutes of unplugging and plugging all the different cables and cords in every possible sequence imaginable while having the patience to wait 10 seconds each time (which began to feel like forever), we arrived at the conclusion that the modem is fine. The problem must be the router.

I immediately began the quest, trying to find the booklet that came with the router because the only contact information on the router itself was a website address. Not exactly helpful when the router isn’t working. Just saying. All I could find was the start-up CD which at first glance didn’t seem to be what I needed. So I looked some more. Finally, with a lack of any other ideas, I put in the CD and found a manual with a troubleshooting guide. Great! As the minutes passed I slowly came out of denial that I would have to actually find a phone number and call tech support. The first time I tried, I got cut off after several minutes on hold (which by this time, felt like an eternity). The second time, I was connected to a very nice man who I could sort of understand. My patience was wearing thin, but I tried my best to not let it show.

He walked me through another series of acrobatics, especially when he asked me to unplug the router and plug it into another outlet. Seriously?? I was amazed that I was able to accomplish this without knocking over the TV in the process. It didn’t help. I described the color of the lights on the front of the router each time. Amber power light, green numbers (which should not have even been lit up), no beautiful blue light indicating that I would be able to check my facebook notifications. Then he asked me to connect the computer with the ethernet cable. Well, I know we have, or had, one because I used it to set up the network. I can see it in my mind’s eye, all pretty and blue. But today it was nowhere to be found. So he had me stick a paperclip in the back of the router to restore the factory settings. I hated the idea of doing that because it meant setting up the network again, but if it solved the problem, fine. It did not.

I think by that time, he was just as frustrated as I was and was trying just as hard to hide it, but neither of us was particularly successful. His final suggestion was to go get an ethernet cable, run some diagnostic of the firmware (I have no idea what firmware is) found on the CD, and if that doesn’t work call back and they’ll see about replacing the router. Yeah. Ok. Well. Ok. I finally called my husband with the bad news…if he wants to be sure he can get online to tutor tonight he’s going to have to buy another router on his way home.

I wish I could say that it’s all better now, but instead I’m tethered. I couldn’t take one more minute of being disconnected from my digital life so I plugged the yellow cable directly into my laptop which now has to be within three feet of the modem. As difficult as it is for me to type while lying on my stomach, propped up on my elbows, that is exactly what I’m doing right now. (You would not believe how many misspelled words the spell check picked up.) I was going to post some pictures from walks last week, but I refuse to be here like this for the length of time it would take to accomplish that. So instead, you get to hear the story of my day trying to make it so I can once again sit on the couch to connect with the world. I guess it’s sad, really, how much I depend on the internet, but it is my reality and I don’t think I’d have it any other way because how else could I be friends with people thousands of miles away? If I have to be uncomfortable for a while to reap the benefits then I’ll do just that and try to stay positive about it. 😀